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my story
i care a lot. i care deeply. and for a long time, i didn't know what to do with that. i went to college to study business because what 18 year old has any idea of what they want to do with their life? these were some of the most challenging and traumatic years of my life, as my mental health quickly spiraled. i became lost, dissociated, and after graduating, i sank into depression. i didn't know how to feel better, but there was a part of me that knew this feeling couldn't possibly last forever.
with the little hope i had left for myself, i decided i wanted to recover.
recovery led me to straight to therapy, but it also led me to yoga, somatic healing, self-help books, nourishing food, movement, and finally learning to take care of my body. i started paying attention to my nervous system. i started learning how to feel things i'd spent years trying to outrun. slowly, i began to feel different. and when i started to feel different, i started to imagine a different life for myself.
i left to solo travel through central america for four months. i dove deeper into my recovery, experienced plant medicine, and had to face who i was when i was alone. i started sharing pieces of my experience online, eventually growing an audience of over 100,000 people. i went back to school, this time to study social work, with a deep focus on trauma-informed care.
truthfully, i became a little obsessed with studying trauma because i started to recognize how much of what hurts us, how we relate to each other, and how we move through the world is shaped by what we've lived through. i wanted to understand it. i wanted to understand why we do the things we do, why change can feel so difficult, and why knowing something intellectually doesn't always mean we can feel or experience it differently.
over the course of 900 clinical internship hours, i've showed up in a recovery center for people with substance use and mental health disorders, a crisis center for survivors of sexual violence, a jail housing about 700 men, and a somatic therapy private practice. i've facilitated yoga, supported people through group and individual therapy, and learned from people whose lives look very different from mine. my clinical experience has deepened my understanding of trauma, but it has also made me more aware of how much there is to learn.
unfortunately, i haven't arrived at some magical place where life no longer hurts. i still get overwhelmed. i still have things to work through. i still have days when i need to remind myself that the way i feel right now isn't the way i'll feel forever. but i have experienced what it feels like to change. to feel more present in my body. to relate to myself with more compassion. to build relationships that offer something different from what i've known before. to discover, again and again, that i can have a difficult experience without it having to become my whole life.
i believe in recovery because i've experienced it. and i believe in it because i'm still experiencing it. i also know how fucking complicated recovery can feel. how overwhelming it is to be handed a thousand things you're supposed to do to get better. how inaccessible support can be. how easily healing gets packaged up, simplified, aestheticized, and turned into something that looks beautiful online but doesn't always reflect what it feels like to live through it. i have always wanted to offer something different.
i started feel something because i love writing and because i want people to feel a little more seen and a little less alone. i want to share the things i'm learning through my lived experience, my clinical experience, and the people who continue to teach me. i want to make trauma recovery feel a little less confusing and a little more accessible. i want to offer honest reflections, trauma-informed practices, and resources you can actually use. i care so much about this work because i know what it feels like to need it. because i've seen how much can change. because i believe we deserve more than simply understanding why we're hurting. we deserve opportunities to experience something different.
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